When You Are Tired Of Being Brave

The other night when I was going to bed, I told my fiancee that I was not sure I could "do another day  like today." He quickly asked me what I meant when i said that and I had to run away because I wasn't brave enough to say it out loud....I can't take pain like this...

read more

She, The Uninvited Visitor

Yesterday she came to visit and as always, she was not invited. She was, as usual, ruthless and relentless with her words telling you that you will never get better and for some reason yesterday you actually believed her. She reminded you like she always does, that...

read more

Shame With Anti-Depressants

At the age of 18 I was hit with Major Depression. Since I was in college at that time having no prior education or awareness around what had happened to me, the only way for me to escape my pain was through drinking and partying. This, as one would assume, only made...

read more

Waiting For The Storm To Pass

One would think after so many years of weathering the storm of depression it would become less scary to fall into the deep, dark abyss....but it's not. When the lows last for more than a couple days, the pain becomes so debilitating and heavy you fear that it's never...

read more

Acknowledging The Dark

I have always been drawn to the Lotus Flower. The brightness, the clarity of it's edges, the warmth and it's flawless beauty, it's always 'spoken' to my heart. When I first saw the quote, "No Mud, No Lotus", I had no idea what it meant until I heard the story of how...

read more

Rebuilding Self Worth With Depression

Today my depression reared it's ugly head and all I wanted to do was disappear. It was one of those days where my brain turned on me and an ugly truth came to the surface. The downward spiral came around quick much like a torrential rainfall that turns into a terrible...

read more

Seeking The Light Within

Today I received an email from someone who had read my article "Don't Let Anyone Or Anything Dim Your Inner Light"  on TinyBuddha.Com: Courtney, I want to thank you for the article. For the last few years I feel as though I lost my light. Almost as though I no longer...

read more

Trusting Life’s Roadblocks

Powerless at the Ocean.. Tonight I decided to take a solo trip out to Santa Cruz and stay at a hotel room on the beach to find out where I am at my deepest emotional level. The beach is where I am reminded that I am powerless over a lot of things in my life and it’s a...

read more

When The Dark Consumes You

It happened again. I fell down that same familiar dark hole and there was no light in sight. It was one of those days where the pain is so intense it sears through my heart, into my chest, down to my stomach and my body becomes numb with fear. I have been here before...

read more

Sometimes The Most Beautiful Things Can Grow In The Dark

This week is Mental Illness Awareness Week and I came across this quote today which made me feel compelled to write. It reminds me that even though my world feels dark, scary and lonely when my depression comes on, that does not mean there is not something beautiful...

read more

Depression Steals More Than Your Soul

This morning I came across and old picture from when I was around 7 years old and for some reason it made my heart hurt. I miss that girl that I used to be. That photo of me was taken when life felt so easy and the sun coming up in the  morning meant new possibilities...

read more

The Dark Wave

Just like knowing that every minute or less at the beach a wave will roll in….This is the way I look at my depression, a wave I know is going to come no matter what medicine I take or how much I wish it away; it will continue forever. I have no control over this...

read more

The Truth About The Dark

I feel like I have this whole entire part of myself, 90% if I am being completely honest, that the world has never been exposed to. If I told you about the thoughts, the deep, dark, dreadful thoughts that can run through my head on any given day; I think those who...

read more

Building My Sacred Space

"You must have a room or certain hour of the day, where you do not know what was in the morning paper..a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are, and what you might be." -Joseph Campbell First of all, most people may wonder, "What is a...

read more

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This